tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-221965142011-09-07T18:43:28.993ZExcerpts from an ongoing email exchange between the deadly bored on film, TV, celebrity and beyond.zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.comBlogger371100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-87418815904030915642008-10-31T14:11:00.002Z2008-10-31T14:13:39.877Z

Looking for something to read, listen to, watch or see? Can't make up your mind? Let us make up your mind for you by making up stuff about films, music, books and art we haven't seen. Visit thisisthenoshow.blogspot.com for more information.

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1163840547234425302006-11-18T08:45:00.000Z2007-03-27T13:08:58.570Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 18 November 2006SUBJECT: 12345 678910 11 12NickI have just realised that my taste in music is based almost entirely on Sesame Street and, to a lesser extent, School House Rocks. And that's no bad thingKeith

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1159535169512939352006-09-29T13:05:00.000Z2006-09-29T13:06:09.526Z

NickIt's been far too long. But oh so worth it.KeithGet this video and more at MySpace.com

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To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 7 August 2006SUBJECT: No-one puts Gibby in a corner NickAs The Gibson™ (Mel, not Debbie) has proven, we all do things we end up regretting. And I’m sure that Mel Gibson’s friends and backers are going to regret making these statements one day (from today’s LA Times):Hollywood Producer Dean Devlin (Jewish): “It was the disease speaking, not the man."Hollywood Actress,

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To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 31 July 2006SUBJECT: On being a bad driving, fundamentalist, alcoholic, anti-semite director in these politically correct timesKeithGiven Mel Gibson’s recent bout of Anti-Semitic Alcohol Poisoning™, it’s time someone made it clear that Mel Gibson – and not the Jews – is behind all the problems in our world.Let’s take a stroll down the world's major (and indeed very minor)

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1152879572572924682006-07-14T12:19:00.000Z2006-07-14T12:32:05.850Z

MEMO: More Famous People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous or Aren’t Famous EnoughRe: Jerry Reed The second nominee for this prestigious Award is Jerry Reed. Who is this man, you ask? Oh, you know him, trust me. He's one of those faces that has been popping up in mediocre films for decades (see his brilliance in action in "Gator" above). While many see him first and foremost as a country and western star,

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1152206685499007242006-07-06T17:24:00.000Z2006-07-06T17:26:14.180Z

Stop The Presses: Patrick Swayze may or may not be throwing up and/or coughing a lot in London - right now!Having recently been informed (by those shite little ads that run alongside the escalators on the Tube) that Patrick “Hotfeets“ Swayze will be appearing in the London production of Guys and Dolls, we were all set to go balls out crazy in a love-fest for The Swayze, when we find out this:

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MEMO: Famous people who shouldn’t be famous or aren’t famous enoughRe: Dennis DuganThis site has been rudely interrupted by the arrival of a baby. While we wait for the child to stop eating, shitting and not sleeping incessantly, we present “Famous People Who Should Be Even More Famous” part 1.The first nominee for this prestigious category is Dennis Dugan. Who is this man, you ask? Oh, you know

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1148992141406682242006-05-30T12:28:00.000Z2006-06-08T13:00:24.536Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 30 May 2006SUBJECT: Turtleneck or bullethead? A dick by any other name NickSo, to summarise:1. The Da Vinci Code is badly written, poorly constructed and generally the worst book I’ve read in a very, very, very long time. Possibly since birth. Nonetheless, Dan “Turtleneck” Brown wins the world over with his irritating prose and bland, non-threatening demeanour. Book sells

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1148714209569275382006-05-27T07:13:00.000Z2006-05-27T07:16:49.603Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 27 May 2006SUBJECT: Sheer unadulterated genius NickI held off includeing this, but frankly, it gets better every time I see it.I now wish this was the plot of the real film, followed by the coming of age story, The Passion of the Christ, about a young boy fighting his way to the top against the naysayers, only to be struck down at the last minute as his beloved looks on.

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1148307362155432052006-05-22T14:15:00.000Z2006-05-23T11:56:25.176Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 22 May 2006SUBJECT: Crap on a stick NickThe Da Vinci Code: The Film™ is doing huge box office, despite its inevitably overhwelming shiteness (not just my opinion, but that of many critics, some of whom may have actually seen most or all of the film). This makes me realise that Tom Hanks has been in some truly awful films (Terminal, Cast Away, Joe Versus the Volcano,

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1147441951562863962006-05-12T13:52:00.000Z2006-05-12T14:24:59.873Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 12 May 2006SUBJECT: Leh me innadooce you to ma lil frenKeithI would like to discuss the most overrated films in history reviewed in ten point chunks by you and I.And I shall start with Scarface:1. No film in history has dated as badly as Scarface. It seems as if all the costumes, music, words, phrases, signs, architecture in the film were in fashion for a the length of

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1145295970612625352006-04-17T17:20:00.000Z2006-04-17T17:46:10.626Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 18 April SUBJECT: Why don’t they just tell the Aristocrats joke in the AristocratsNick I watched The Aristocrats yesterday – first up who the fuck was the naked teenager in the hot tub??? What was that all about.Plus, most tellings of the joke were tame and occasionally non-existent(even Gilbert's - only Saget took it anywhere interesting and he held back, I think). And

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1143637235148026712006-03-29T12:59:00.000Z2006-03-29T22:59:18.566Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 28 March 2006SUBJECT: Nuts? Zoo? FHM? It’s all just used tissueKeithI didn’t get round to mentioning this more recently but I noticed this and thought I had to say something. This is the podcast equivalent of finding a handful of soiled tissues and several torn pages from Escort, Razzle or Asian Babes in a bush. Read on about the latest sex podcast phenomenon."The musings

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1143465507094180952006-03-27T13:17:00.000Z2006-03-27T13:24:38.063Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 27 March 2006SUBJECT: Snakes! Planes! Snakes and planes! Nick, Snakes on a plane! Snakes on a plane!Snakes. On. A. Plane!Planes! Snakes! Snakey planes and planey snakes!Snakes on a MUTHAFUCKIN plane!Genius.Keith•••To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 27 March 2006SUBJECT: Re: Snakes! Planes! Snakes and planes! KeithAnd here are some ideas that were rejected before they hit on the

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1142421976254249532006-03-15T11:25:00.000Z2006-03-22T14:04:10.596Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 15 March 2006SUBJECT: Gay bikers on acid NickI want to be in the courtroom when the Hell’s Angels take on Disney:“The Hells Angels Motorcycle Corporation alleges in its suit that the Walt Disney Motion Picture Group never got its approval for the use of its trademark, and that the studio has repeatedly exploited the club's name and logo – the distinctive helmeted and

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1141898288855041512006-03-09T09:57:00.000Z2006-03-09T14:08:11.213Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 9 March 2006SUBJECT: Blind Judgement 2KeithMore films that you now do not need to see, because I have not seen them for you. That’s right, it’s time for Blind Judgement 2 – and what a selection of worthy, non-entertainment we have today:MirrorMaskIt’s British. It's an epic fantasy. It features a wicked queen. But no wardrobe, no lion and no midgets. And big surprise, no

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1141832978803229382006-03-08T15:49:00.000Z2006-03-08T17:40:35.160Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 8 March 2006SUBJECT: I hate Ben StillerNickJesus Big Hairy Fucking Christ. Ben Stiller is remaking the “classic” (read poorly made, unscripted, low quality polyrsterfest made in the 1970s and starring washed up has-beens) TV show, The Persuader. To quote the IMDB messageboards:“It Was Stooooopid The First Time Around...” – MetalMiike“Crap” – jonnydaytona“Sweet Jesus, NO.”

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1141650753022188642006-03-06T13:12:00.000Z2006-03-08T13:02:57.230Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 6 March 2006SUBJECT: I’d like to spank the AcademyNickDidn’t bother watching the Oscars. Waste of my time and pretty much everyone else’s, really. But based on the absolutely shocking mediocrity of most of the winners, I’ve compiled some must-read advice for Hollywood wannabe directors everywhere. How To Win a Best Film Oscar1. Hire lots of cast and crew. The Academy

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1141394662552801362006-03-03T13:52:00.000Z2006-03-03T14:17:23.100Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 3 March 2006SUBJECT: Big hairy bollocksKeithQuestion: who has the best beard?Nick•••To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 3 March 2006SUBJECT: Re: Big hairy bollocks NickI don’t know, but this has to be a contender.Right about now, funk soul brother Hervé Villechaize is getting down with his bad self in the big beyond, backed up by Andre the Giant and Telly Savalas.And speaking of

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1141311992546030992006-03-02T15:06:00.000Z2006-03-02T15:08:58.543Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 2 March 2006SUBJECT: I am Sir Ben Kingsley, hear me roar, SIR SIR SIRKeithThis week has seen the release of seven, count ‘em, seven new films, neither you nor I will go to see but that won’t stop me reviewing them – in a segment I like to call Blind Judgement or “We don’t see them so you don’t have to either”. This week’s offerings are:The FogHopefully it will engulf the

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1141146639871566252006-02-28T17:09:00.000Z2006-03-03T14:11:45.306Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 28 February 2006SUBJECT: Jumping beans got shit on meNickJust once in my life, I want to be described as a "self-taught Mexican rocket scientist".Hands off, Bay. Just hands off. This one's just for Nicolas Cage. Or Cheech Marin in his big comeback role. Co-starring Don Johnson as his steadfast girlfriend and Mickey Rourke as the evil government scientist out to shut the

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140787776975053142006-02-24T13:29:00.000Z2006-02-24T14:12:59.116Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 24 February 2006SUBJECT: Shocking physicist expose shocker Einstein exposed NickHere's one I made earlier. I love this siteKeith

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140710422267050942006-02-23T15:17:00.000Z2006-03-09T17:15:04.990Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 23 February 2006SUBJECT: Hurtle the turtle NickFrom Wired.com: "Earth Hurtles Toward 6.5 Billion"Does this mean the earth moving faster and that this increased speed is causing some sort of population explosion? Or are there 6.5 billion somethings in the planet's way and we're about to smash into them? And if so, is anybody doing anything about them??? What would Nicolas

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140538432806508832006-02-21T16:09:00.000Z2006-02-23T10:09:26.306Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 21 February 2006 SUBJECT: BUFTA KeithAs we stroll through another life-battering day, culturally commentating on the world around us, we come upon... The BAFTAs. And what do we find? A barren wasteland:Best Film: BROKEBACK MOUNTAINIs it really the best film? Are we really so un-evolved that a love story between two cowboys is the most talked about film of the year? Is gay

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140448977026823972006-02-20T15:21:00.000Z2006-02-20T15:42:24.300Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 20 February 2006 SUBJECT: Tightly packed, with serious bladder control To NickOla chiquitaIt's mean and cruel I know, but this, from www.commontimes.org last week, makes me giggle: Girl's prosthetic leg stolen — twice. (The story is here if you want to know the ridiculous details)Anyway, how's you this fine morning? Did I mention that we went for dinner last week and

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140352874943400262006-02-19T12:41:00.000Z2006-02-23T14:04:35.803Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 19 February 2006SUBJECT: Martin goes soloKeithThey give with one hand and then snatch it back with the other. It's bad enough we have to suffer with bird flu, cancer, war, Abu Ghirab, Islamic (funda)mentalists, we also have to put up with this:Coldplay: 'We're not splitting up'Could only be made worse by the words "...and The Style Council are reforming"Nick•••To:

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140351144267788102006-02-19T11:54:00.000Z2006-02-23T12:51:53.260Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 19 February 2006SUBJECT: I'd like it extra crispy please NickTrying really hard to understand this headline, but failing miserably: "Angry protesters burn down a KFC outlet in Pakistan over cartoons satirising the Prophet Muhammad, reports say." Why? It's not Denmark owned or run, nor it is a newspaper defending the right to free speech It's not even defending the right

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140277047803254102006-02-18T15:25:00.000Z2006-02-18T15:42:05.670Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 18 February 2006SUBJECT: Come on down to Hobbitt town NickThis is a story I'm sure Adam Sandler is watching carefully Hollywood 'resists gay US actors' Sir Ian McKellen has said openly gay US actors are prevented from having successful Hollywood careers. "It is very, very, very difficult for an American actor who wants a film career to be open about his sexuality," the

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140095835695716522006-02-16T13:16:00.000Z2006-02-16T13:19:29.446Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 16 February 2006 SUBJECT: Stop bugging me NickWhile I love a good freaky love story as much as anyone, doesn't it bother Bunthawee Siengwong that the best his new bride can say about him in this story is "I like him"? Weirdo insect pair wedBy PETE BELLSun OnlineTHE SCORPION Queen and Centipede King have held their Valentine's Day wedding at a haunted house. Kanchana

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1140019881004626042006-02-15T16:11:00.000Z2006-02-15T17:45:36.070Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 15 February 2006 SUBJECT: Big-hearted Chris - he just loved us all too much KeithWe knew he was all heart but Chris Penn (RIP VIP) just had to take that love too far. And he did so "accidentally" – they've ruled out suicide, although signs did point toward him inflating his own heart with a bicycle pump. But he'll always have that 1996 Volpi Cup – no one but no one can

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1139849468087738662006-02-13T16:50:00.000Z2006-02-15T13:55:38.103Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 13 February 2006SUBJECT: 24 KeithI assume you didn't watch 24. I loved it. Every minute of it.Nick•••To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 13 February 2006SUBJECT: Re: 24 NickDidn't see it. Stopped watching it last year and haven't picked it up again. All I know is that Jack's changed his name and cut his hair and, based on his new and improved size, seems to have wolfed down an

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1139835236256474872006-02-13T12:53:00.000Z2006-02-15T13:54:17.310Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 13 February 2006SUBJECT: Talentless non-actress falls for man with misspelt nickname at the “World Cup of Breakin'” shocker! KeithAccording to CNN and, well, pretty much everybody, actress "Mena Suvari has found love with a breakdancer, following her split from cinematographer husband Robert Brinkmann in May. The American Beauty star, 26, and Mike 'Murda' Carrasco, 23,

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1139830316977822642006-02-13T11:31:00.000Z2006-02-13T11:42:06.263Z

Sketch #539: Recruiting the fifth horsemanINT: Bleak-looking office Two caped and hooded figures sit at a desk. They have name plates in front of them, which read Death and Famine. Two spaces are empty, their name plates reading War and Pestilence.A third caped and hooded figure stands in the background, struggling with a photocopier. From time to time, he smashes it very aggressively with his

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1139753284202016272006-02-12T13:54:00.000Z2006-02-15T13:52:28.133Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 12 February 2006SUBJECT: C3PO hearts R2D2NickHey, what's that sound - it's a big rumbling in the sky - oh check it out - it's the four horsemen of the Apocalypse - War, Famine, Pestilence and Gary, and look what they're bringing:Gay Robot - from Adam Sandler's production company. A wine cooler accident causes a robot to turn gay and live in a frat house.Please I beg let

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1139752179325226812006-02-12T13:30:00.000Z2006-02-15T13:49:41.330Z

To: NickFrom: KeithSent 11 February 2006SUBJECT: Stone freeNickGod how I wish I'd seen this, just for the hair: Reclusive Sly Stone steps out at Grammys (by JAKE COYLE, Associated Press)Sly Stone, the J.D. Salinger of funk, was drawn out of seclusion by a Grammys tribute. Wednesday night in Los Angeles, the reclusive pioneer of a hugely influential soul-rock-funk fusion made his first major

zesty petehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17419775719956474883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22196514.post-1139494843158372662006-02-09T14:30:00.000Z2006-02-15T13:53:21.733Z

To: KeithFrom: NickSent: 9 February 2006SUBJECT: smells like teen smear test KeithIs the expression – "that smells like a tramp's ball bag" – offensive? My colleagues have been looking at me like Satan since I made this witty olfactory observation about rice cakes a moment ago.Nick•••To: NickFrom: KeithSent: 9 February 2006SUBJECT: Re: smells like teen smear testNickNot if you explain to them the

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